It’s Time For Kids

My nieces and nephew are always running around, screaming, crying, fighting, and breaking things. I can’t stand it. All a girl wants from her month and a half winter vacation is some peace and quiet. Is that too much to ask for? Let me introduce the brats. Sarah is 5, Isiah is 4 and Kathryn is 3. They are the apple of my eye but the pain in my neck. My nieces and nephew are always at my house when my sister, Sandra and her husband are at work. They sleep over just about every weekend and I’m the one stuck babysitting.

Not only are my weekends taken away but so is the comfort of my own bed. They refuse to sleep in the guest room with each other so the three of them cramp up in MY full size bed. My bed is big but not that big and they’re small but not that small. These kids sleep like wild animals. Some mornings I wake up with a smelly foot in my face or an arm around my neck. Sometimes I even wake up on the floor because they toss and turn so much that they kick me off the bed. I swear they’re plotting against me while I sleep and they’re trying to kill me with frustration.

My days babysitting are spent mostly yelling and cleaning up after them.

“Put that down Isiah!”

“Stop hitting him Sarah!”

“Don’t draw on the walls Kathryn!”

Why can’t Sandra find a real babysitter? They sleep over literally every day and I’m the one stuck taking care of them. My mom and dad are always at work and when they do come home they spend two seconds with them and then push them back on me. My sister Joanne moved to New York and is living a fabulous life as a business woman. My little sister Fabie is off at volleyball camp for her vacation and what am I stuck doing? Being Kim the babysitter to the three musketeers…

“Yo Gabba Gabba! Yo Gabba Gabba! Gabba Gabba!”

Isiah chants in his mumbling baby voice as he runs around the house naked with his diaper in his hands.

“I want to watch Yo Gabba Gabba!”

“Get over here! You need to take a shower!”

I scream as I’m running after him with Kathryn on my arm crying obnoxiously loud in my ear and squeezing my neck. Sarah decapitated Kathryn’s favorite doll and ripped up her Dora coloring book because she didn’t want to share her grapes. I don’t understand why they’re so mean to each other. Kathryn doesn’t want Sarah and Isiah touching any of her things but expects both of them to give her everything she wants. I never realized sibling rivalry started so young.

I try to make them play nice with each other by playing board games or video games but that always back fires with someone getting hit, bit, or angry. I’m the one in the middle of all of their toddler arguments and fights and I’m sick of it. I wish they would just shut up and listen to me. My life is completely taken over by these kids. I should be exploring life right now not being an on call babysitter. This is not what I expected my winter vacation to be like.

That would have been what my life would have looked like if my sister Sandra had kids

                                ***

“Kimberly, college is the place to find the man you want to spend the rest of your life with. You have to be looking and planning for your future. I don’t want you to end up like your sisters.”

I hate when my mother says that. There is nothing wrong with my sisters. Sandra is 34 and still single… so what? At least she is successful, drives a nice car, and is financially and emotionally stable. Joanne is 26, single and still lives at home but at least she is saving up her money and trying to move out. My mother thinks a man will solve all of our problems and grandchildren will keep her young and vibrant. News flash mom, it won’t. Having grandchildren means you’re getting old.

“If Sandra was married she would have someone to share her money with and keep her company in that nice house. Let’s not forget that she would finally be able to give me grandchildren.” My mother says in a sad, nagging voice.

Kids are amazing creatures and I use the word “creatures” loosely. They pick their noses and smear it everywhere, they catch colds easily from other kids to bring home to their families and they’re always ready to play and have fun. I love kids… when they aren’t entitled to me. I love playing with kids and teaching them fun things but when they have to come home with me that’s a different story. Kids scream, yell, cry, nag, fart, poop, complain, and do just about everything that I can’t stand to be around for too long.

Right now my house is kid-less. The youngest person in my house is my little sister Fabie who is 19 years old and she is barely home. My house is quiet and clean. Everyone is old enough to clean after their own messes and come and go as they please. The remote to the TV is controlled by whoever gets to the TV first and we stopped fighting over what show to watch years ago. Everyone has their own room and own personal space. It’s amazing. It’s freedom. If I had nieces and nephews I would be tied down and have to help out by babysitting and taking care of them and my house would be hectic.

Maybe in the near future, one of my sister’s will tie the knot and have children but until then I will be enjoying my children-free house and life now. So Mom, sorry you’re going to have to wait a couple more years.

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